This is love

Just an update on this journey this week.
I came home Tuesday afternoon after the Monday morning surgery at UAMS to remove remaining cancer cells.  I have smarcb1-deficient vulvar sarcoma, not otherwise specified.  It's definitely not a cancer or surgery you google in your free time.  The surgery went as well as it could. The first surgery in December was tough in this spot, but this second surgery definitely takes the cake.   It was such a hard surgery that makes a person realize how terrible, horrible, mean, and yucky cancer is. The doctor feels he was able to get enough tissue to get it clear of cancer cells.  The results of this surgery will be back the 25th (2:00).  Every time we see the doctor we ask the same question- what if. What if the biopsy shows it’s not clear margins.  What if it comes back.  What if it spreads.  We do know I can’t have surgery on the same region again.  We know if it comes back it will most likely happen in the next 12-24 months. It is a super rare cancer.  One doctor that came into my room at UAMS has never seen it before.  My doctor can count maybe one hand of this cancer in his 40 years of practice.   We do know there’s not a chemo that will work on my sarcoma.  We know he will not do radiation on the area where the tumor grew.  So, as he says, we will sit tight.   Never before has the scripture

"Be still and know ".... Psalm 46:10

meant more.  Sit tight when it comes to cancer is scary.  Sit tight means waiting to see if the cancer shows it’s ugly self again.  But that’s where His promise to me becomes so vital to my being.  Be still and Know.  Know.  Know I am in control.  Know I love you.  Know you are mine.  Know I am the one that knows your days.  He is with me.  He is my stronghold.

Finding God Faithful, K. Minter

Since I have came home, I have had the yucky nausea and headache.  We have been trying to find the balance of all the meds.  I think we have it under control now, and I am starting to feel better from the belly up.  Now just working to stay as comfortable as possible while I wait for the rest of my body to get to a new normal.  Lots of pain.  But WHAT sunshine and love so many have provided each day.  Elise has been a huge ray of sunshine.  She is such a good caretaker.  She will spoil me one minute and boss me about taking my medication the next.  Our mailbox has been filled with postcards of encouragement, cards of comfort, gift cards that feed my people, and Julie’s blue that put a glow in my eyes. So much kindness by those that sat with Warren and Elise at the hospital and for those that continually check on us by text and call.  The outings and dinners leading up to my surgery were so appreciated.  This kindness and love heals the heart.

Thank you for praying.  We feel the love.  We know so many are praying and it’s what gets us through when the going gets tough.  When we don’t hear what we want to hear, when it seems harder than what we can bear, when the stitches are hard to wear, love remains.

Dear friends, since God so loved us, 

we also ought to love one another."  

I John 4:11

As we celebrate Valentine's Day today, I am so thankful for my Warren G.  He’s a trooper.  I’m sure when we had our first VDay together 27 years ago, he would have never thought we would be spending today watching me heal from cancer surgery.  I remember the giant teddy bear, flowers, and balloons he sent to me. Today he is passing me the saltines, jello, and sherbert in hopes it stays down.  WG is so good to me.  He is my man.  We have laughed, cried, been nervous wrecks, sought the Lord like never before, and been at peace knowing, it is well.  How faithful the Lord is to us.  He is so, so good. Be still and know.

"I found the one my heart loves." 

Song of Soloman 3:4

Specific ways to pray:
-The infection would stay away!
-I will heal well and as quickly as possible.
- Warren and Elise as they see and live with the healing process (all my moaning, groaning, and popped stitches).
-Continued wisdom for Dr. Savage in dealing with my cancer.
-Whatever the Lord has during this time for us or those around us.  We know during this season He is at work. 
-Sarcoma to leave and never come back!

Thank you for loving us well.  This journey has changed us.  We have seen Him work in the whatever.  He has used this to do something new in our hearts.  We will never be the same.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; 

I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."

Jeremiah 31:3

Consider the Lilies.