"A friend loves at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity."
After the game we stopped off at Michael's to pick up a few things I needed for school this week. I haven't been to Michael's in a long while. It was a Texas Michael's to boot (We were in Texarkana). I was like a kid in a candy store in Michael's. I liked everything! Elise and I were flying through the aisles as Ethan and Warren waited for us in the vehicle.
Growing up in Texas means that I did homecoming Texas style until I was 16 (I moved to Arkansas when my parents divorced). This consisted of a larger than life homecoming mum. It jingled and jangled and blinged and tore your shirt down all night long! But oh the joy of having one! Even better was having a mom that could make them! This meant weekly, and at times daily, trips to Michael's (and Garden Ridge Pottery). When I saw those many aisles full of homecoming mum making supplies, I became giddy. I wanted to grab one (or two!) of each just because it reminded me of my mom.
My oldest son was running a cross country meet in Lake Hamilton on Saturday. He was getting to run with friends from Waldron (where we lived previously for 11 1/2 years). Only this time he was running against them! Last week Tyler posted on Instagram a post that said:
So much wisdom is in that phrase.
Time is powerful.... Our days do so much for us. It's what God uses to put us back together. To heal us. To make us whole.
"...I will heal him; I will lead him and restore comfort to him..."
Wal-Mart put out their pumpkins AND santas last month. These two seasons remind me of my mom so much. She was a Halloween baby. Born on October 31. And more than anything she loved Christmas. She loved Christmas gifts, icicles on the tree, and making Christmas candy so very much.
It was 8 years ago. I had no idea that this picture would be the last Christmas to spend together.
"...And in Thy book they were all written,
The days that were ordained for me,..."
My heart ached. Broken.
"If I say, 'Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
and the light around me will be night,'
Even the darkness is not dark to Thee."
It was a month after we buried her that Dr. Larry Brown called and checked on me one afternoon. It was my 28th birthday. All I could do was listen. It still hurt so bad. He said one of the few things that day that I remember from that time and still minister with. Time will heal the pain. The memories will become sweet. God will carry you through this time.
"Be gracious to me, Lord, for I am weak;
heal me, Lord, for my bones are shaking." Psalm 6:2
Beauty from ashes.
"To grant those who mourn in Zion;
giving them a crown of beauty instead of ashes."
My security blanket was lost that day on November 19, 2004. The one I called when my heart was lonely. The one I called when I felt joy. The one who would shop til you drop with me.
The one I worried about. The one I wanted to take financial burdens from. The one's broken heart I wanted to heal.
The one who could make Garth Brooks seem in the room, the one who spoiled my babies rotten, the one who forgave easily.
8 year later, I miss her. There are times I just want to pick up the phone and dial her number. There are times I wonder what her Facebook page would look like (she would have loved it). I would love to shop one more time for a homecoming mum.
But God healed my heart. He took my pain and mourning and turned it into joy. I can sing because of His faithfulness to fill the holes in my heart.
"I will sing of the lovingkindness of the Lord forever;
To all generations I will make known Thy faithfulness with my mouth." Psalm 89:1
The Lord has so much compassion on us. He provides just what we need to make us well. Just when we think we can no longer breath from the hurt, He holds us and we breath again.
We just have to choose to let Him heal us.
And then tell the story.
I was wounded, broken, empty. He picked me up, filled me, and made me walk again.
We all need a beautiful day. Sometimes it just takes time. But it comes.
Trust His heart when you can't trace His hand.
Today I stand in awe of His mighty ways. Thankful for the promise of heaven.
Makes me a little homesick.
"...for I go and prepare a place for you.....
I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life......"
John 14:2b, 6a